An Open Letter to My Valentine

Dear D___,

I would like to begin by thanking you for asking me to be your Valentine.  The gesture was very romantic, particularly as we have not known one another long.  In case you weren't aware, I find you incredibly attractive both physically and intellectually.  Just so you know, I am a sucker for a square jaw and a hot body.  The fact that you have blue eyes and black hair coupled with the ability to string a sentence together (in 7 languages) is icing on the cake.  I also loved how you would occasionally rest your hand on mine while making a point.  I find small gestures like these much more erotic than, say, giving a date a blowjob in the bathroom and the fact that you did it unconsciously is even more charming.

D___, I am glad you enjoyed the Valentine chocolates.  I have to admit, I had originally thought it may be a bit over the top to bring you heart shaped chocolates on Valentines Day, but was happy that you found the gesture to be romantic.   As for your gift to me?  I typically LOVE the non-traditional gift.  I think it speaks volumes when a would-be suitor thinks nonlinearly and brings me the unexpected.  That said, I must say that your Valentine gift, of Gonorrhea, although certainly non-traditional, was NOT welcome.

D___, I WILL say that I particularly enjoyed your casual intellectual curiousity, your off-the-cuff charm, your muscles and your blue blue eyes.  I will also say, I looked forward to your return from Ohio on Monday and the promise of a second date.  As it stands now, I'm not so sure.  Although I've always been aware that NYC was at best, an At Your Own Risk dating pool, I guess I wasn't prepared for the "extras" that accompanied your person (to put it politely).  However, we all have occasional slip-ups and I like to fancy myself an understanding guy.  SO, I'll wait for your call upon your return and we can speak to this in person.

Best,

Juan

*authors note:  names and places were changed/omitted to protect the guilty.

Comments

[Oliver]

You are a filthy he-whore.

[Frank]

Your kidding....right?

[pp]

what a great post. i didn't get anything for valentine's day...i'm a hot chick with a square jaw too...but somehow methinks this not such a bad thing...oh, your/you're...come on people...learn to spell

[Michael]

It's the special gifts like these that keep on giving.

http://thecoolstore.blogspot.com/

[louis]

Happy V.D.!!! (Valentines Day, duh)

[VD]

Bitter, much?

[peterblair]

I agree you all should learn to discern between your & you're, we're & were, too & to....but to the woman who made the request, the one with the square jaw. Please re-read the letter. Those are two guys. Not a guy and girl.

[Kevin F.]

Wow. What an interesting combination of cool and not-so-much for Valentine's. I don't know you or your friend, Juan, but I think you should give him a chance to come clean (ouch) on his own, as it were. After all, all men are filthy he-whores underneath it all. If he is that great otherwise, maybe he was an ignorant victim as well. If he doesn't abase himself and grovel appropriately, give the filthy he-ho the old heave-ho.

[Rob Thurman]

In this new era of the HIV-Superbug, will sex ever not-carry fear? Yearly testing, a good ole dose of regret, a Z-Pack, and some RID used to get us through. Now, infectious drippage is more than just annoyance -- it's full on scary. Mend quickly!

[pp]

Thank you for the clarification on the male/male nature of the post. Being square jawed often means that I don't recognize the obvious. Thank you for reminding me that not everyone enjoys grammar corrections. Hope your better, yuk yuk.